The Sequence I Trust When I'm Stuck | EP 621

I used to believe more thinking would eventually get me to the answer. It didn't always. In this solo chat, I walk through the exact sequence I use to move from decision paralysis into aligned action, and why bringing your body into the process matters as much as your mind. Full show notes, transcript, and chapters at sheilabotelho.com/621

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Transcript

Why We Get Stuck Thinking

Sheila 0:01

I know what it's like to sit with a decision and think your way in circles instead of moving forward. And today I want to walk you through the exact sequence that I used to get unstuck. And this is the one that's taken me years of trial and error to actually trust. It's not complicated and it works whether the decision in front of you is small or it's the kind that changes your whole season. By the end of this, you'll have a structure that you can lean on the next time your head won't let something go. Hi, welcome to the podcast. I'm Sheila Botelho, and I believe true success is built from the inside out. I'm a deep thinker. Any one of my friends or family will tell you that. I love to dig into why people work the way they do, why they do the things they do, how the individuals that I admire built the lives they built, what daily rituals they follow, what their backstory is, what made them who they are today, how they make decisions. And I love thinking about these things so much. I also love having conversations about them even more. Probably why I started a podcast. I love hearing other people's insights and their thoughts on all of these things. Depending on the season of life that I'm in, I trend toward being in my head more. And when things are especially full, like when my kids were younger, or when I'm in the middle of a major decision and weighing my options, that's where I go to my head. And there's genuine value in that, of course. Taking a beat to consider what we're experiencing means that we're making aligned choices instead of just going with the flow. And it means unplugging from all the voices and all the options around us, which there are so many to choose from. There's just so many. There's a plethora. And so many of them are wonderful. So many people are sharing amazing things for us to do. And when you know that you trend towards your head during a time of deep decision or transition, that time inward becomes even more important.

Boundaries And Trusted Reflectors

Sheila 2:28

And it also needs a boundary around it. Not only a boundary around what you let in, but a boundary around how long you allow yourself to stay in that place of looking at your options before you come to a decision. And that boundary includes bringing in trusted voices, people in your life who can help you reflect. And that number looks different for everyone, of course. For me, I've had specific people in different seasons of my life who've been there as I process. And here's the thing about being a podcaster I'm an outward processor. I do think things through, but while talking them through with myself, it's really what helps me get to the root of what I need to learn and what I need to decide. So truly, having someone there to ask me questions has always been clarifying for me. And that's really part of my design. I know through practice that it works really well for me and it's actually helped me make some really big decisions. And something that I've experienced over the last five years is the power of bringing my body into this process. We need to use our minds to make decisions, of course, and we can get stuck there. Incorporating the body piece has been groundbreaking for me. Whether it's my morning CEO soul walk first thing in the morning, working things out while I'm moving, while I'm in nature, ideally. Sometimes I'm on a treadmill in the winter, but usually I'm outside. And even a slow walk gives me such valuable information. Clarity comes. The things that need to fall away get stripped back during that time. And moving my body is how I get there. Getting into the body matters, I think, for all of us. And this piece needs its own boundary too. And this is something I've had to learn for myself.

The Four-Step Decision Sequence

Sheila 4:39

So here's the sequence. One, you think it through and you have someone to reflect with ideally. Number two, you get into your body and move while you work through the details because it helps you move into action. And three, you act on what you've decided. You create the plan and you take action on it. You don't wait because taking action is where you find your data. And number four, you reflect through the lens of everything that came before it, all of the things that happened. And I know this makes sense. We all know it. And I found this exact sequence to be so powerful because when I'm in the take action phase and I catch myself moving back into my head to rethink things, I can remind myself now, oh, we already did that part. Let's just take note of what's coming up and just keep moving forward. And once we've taken enough action, we'll go back and do number four. We're going to reflect through the lens of what has surfaced. See, our minds will try to trick us away from action and keep us in thinking mode. And that is how we lose forward progress. It's because our brain is trying to keep us safe from the unfamiliar. And here is what is beautiful about this: it evolves. The actions that you take create a result that becomes data that you can use to make different choices going forward. The plan doesn't need to stay static. You only find that out, though, once you're actually in motion. And then it becomes time to reflect. So those are the four points. You can think it through with someone to reflect with or with yourself, move your body, take action on it, reflect on it. And all four help you build forward momentum. And when you know that that's the structure you're following, you feel supported by it. Having a structure like this is what really makes it feel more safe to take the big next steps, even when your brain is trying to conserve energy and pull you back toward what's familiar. You can tell your brain, listen, we're taking action now and we're going to reflect on this next. This is a cycle. We circle back to the head soon enough. That's the brain trick I use. And it has helped me so much as I make decisions and as I move forward.

Action Creates Data And Momentum

Sheila 7:19

But now the overarching piece, this is so key. What is the outcome you're actually after? What is the transformation people are waiting for you to guide them into? What product, service, experience, right? Whatever that might be, whatever your offer is, there's something transformational in it that will make such a meaningful difference in someone's life. So what difference do you want to make in the world? Keeping that in mind while you move through all of this really helps to hold the boundary of the time that you've set around each part of it. And underneath all of it is why you're doing all of this. Yes, for the people you serve and also for your own satisfaction, for the achievement of your own life goals, your calling. I've had to remind myself of this over and over through the years. I probably will still continue to need to. And I'm going to remind you now, if you're dissatisfied in any way, if you are really tired of how things are going in your life, but you're proud of what you built and you still want more. If you want it to grow or change in some way, that idea is not going to leave you alone. It's really a sign that it belongs to you. And if you don't act on it, you'll keep living in a kind of discomfort that won't leave either. One that's heavier than the discomfort of taking the next uncomfortable step. Because once you take the action, once you've done the thing, regardless of the outcome, even if it's not what you thought it would be, and you can go to bed at night just thinking about what you did that day, you're building your self-trust because you did the thing. You built self-esteem. You built your self-concept. And that feels a lot better than staying in your head about the things you feel called to do while you stay frozen in place. It comes down to this.

Choose Your Discomfort

Sheila 9:34

Choose your discomfort. That's the actual choice in front of you. You're human, you have a history, you have experiences, a body of work. You have successes and near misses and colossal failures. You know your story. We all have mistakes that we regret and incredible things that we've done too. You have people who love you and a dream in your heart, and moments where you've frozen. And that means you're human. Nobody gets through this wild ride of life without a huge range of emotions. Everybody experiences this. The people who look shiny and accomplished and so happy all the time, and the people who look like they're sharing everything too. You don't have to share every behind the scenes moment of this journey. But this is something that we all move through in some shape or form.

Ambition Without Burnout

Sheila 10:38

I wanted to bring this up now because we're heading into what is one of the busiest stretches of the year for so many businesses. It's the second half. And there's a lot of pressure to push through everything, to push through the freeze, to push through all of the discomfort in front of us. And there's a place for that. Choosing your discomfort on purpose, that is the move. And if you have a structure holding you, you can sequence this and follow the set of rules for yourself. Something like the one that I just walked through, or something else that helps you, but it can ease the pressure in a real way. And if you followed me for a while, you know that I lead with passion, clarity, and aligned action. Those things might look like hustle from the outside to some people, depending on the person, depending on how they show up in the world. But you have your own way of moving through everything. And I believe this is a way to harness that so you can take aligned action and actually feel good doing it. You won't feel good every moment, right? Like, hello, we know this. But you can do this while honoring your well-being. And that is the whole reason that I started this business. I watched people around me hustling and getting sick, many of them wildly successful in financial terms, in their businesses, in their careers. And they were the ones telling me I have everything I ever wanted, and my health is suffering. I don't get to enjoy it. And I learned really young that it just wasn't worth it. So I chose a different path. I still worked hard and I still fell into old patterns of catching myself hustling too really hard. But that is all what shaped my season success method and my self-care for business stance. Because I believe it's truly possible to build a beautiful life and a beautiful business and feel good while you do the uncomfortable things. Because here's the actual trade-off. You can sit in the discomfort not doing the thing you already know that you need to do, watching your life reflect that back to you. That is its own kind of suffering. Or you can step into the discomfort of the unknown, following your intuition toward what you actually want to do. You can spend a lifetime avoiding how you feel and pushing through everything. Because it's worked before until you burn out completely. And that path gets results too. We see it everywhere. Until you find yourself back where those successful people I was talking about were saying that there has to be a better way. Because your health is suffering or your relationships are. Well-being includes all of it. So ask yourself, where in your business, where in your life, would this sequence help you?

Your Next Experiment And Community

Sheila 14:05

Will you apply it? Give yourself the space to try it. And as we head into this busier season, is there a way that you can take the action, feel the discomfort when it shows up, and use this as an experiment? I would really love to hear what your experience is if you do this, because we're truly in this together. I'm learning and unlearning all the time. And that is really the whole journey, isn't it? We learn from each other. And it gets a lot easier when we do it in community. Head to the show notes for the ways we can do this together. And thank you so much for listening. I will see you on the next episode.