Growth Feels Like Avoidance Until You Name It | EP 614

You've got the plan. The list is done. You know exactly what to do next, and somehow you're organizing your kitchen drawers instead. This one is about the avoidance that shows up right before your next season of expansion, and what it's actually trying to protect.

I'll walk through a two minute nervous system practice I use when I catch myself in it, plus the one question worth asking about where else in your life this pattern lives.

Full show notes, transcript, and chapters at sheilabotelho.com/614

✍️ Sheila's Notes - The reflections I write only here. For your Expansion Season.

🧭 Your Vision Map - Name what you are building before you build it.

💎 Work With Me - Choose the most aligned pathway for your business.

🎧 Subscribe & Rate this podcast

Transcript

The Plan You Keep Avoiding

Sheila 0:01

You've got the whole plan written out, every step, right there in a document, waiting for you to open it. And instead, you're doing anything else. I've seen this in client after client, and I'm watching it happen in my own life right now in real time. In this episode, I'll walk you through why avoidance shows up right before your biggest growth and the two-minute practice I use to move through it instead of around it. This comes from many years of watching people, myself included, expand past what used to feel safe. Stick with me through this one. What you'll hear by the end might change how you look at the thing you've been putting off.

Why Avoidance Shows Up Before Growth

Sheila 0:38

Hi, welcome to the podcast. I'm Sheila Botelho, and I believe true success is built from the inside out. This mini sode is designed to help you live into what lights you up this week. Let's talk about something that I just uncovered in my own life, and it's exactly the work I do with people I work with. It's what happens when you're in a season of expansion, when the plan is sitting right in front of you, and you find yourself in avoidance of it. Here's what that looks like: you've got the outline, the structure, the list of things to do, and it's completely laid out. All you need to do is start. Task one or task two. It doesn't even have to be in order. You know exactly what needs to happen. And then you find yourself looking for anything else to fill the time. Anything to keep you busy and take you away from the very thing you say you want. Our subconscious is remarkably good at this, especially when your life is already full and there are plenty of things that genuinely do need your attention. And that's what makes it so easy to justify. You can point to real priorities and mean every word

A Real-Life Example Of Busywork

Sheila 1:48

of it. Right now, for me, it's my son getting ready to start college in September. There's real work in that. Registration, tuition, the list of things he'll need, living in residence. He's capable of handling a lot of it himself. But this is his first time, and he wants another set of eyes on it too. And then there's everything I want this summer to be for him. His last one before college, the things we can do together, the freedom I want to give him with his friends. Add in the friends who want to visit us in our new home. And you can see how the full calendar becomes even fuller. And here's the part that matters for you, though. All of that can happen outside of business hours. And yet, what shows up during the hours I could be spending on the one document I created for myself, the step-by-step plan I already decided on, is exactly this pattern. It's not even hard work. That's the strange part. I'm completely capable of doing it. It's a stall tactic because underneath it, I know it's going to ask me to grow. And I love growth. I am all for it. I'm here for it. I'm here for it for you. And still, this happens.

Freeze Response Disguised As Distraction

Sheila 2:58

I think it comes back to a sense of safety in a younger version of ourselves, an imprint formed at the nervous system level early, long before we had the tools to understand it. These days I can catch myself in it while it's happening, which is progress. There were years I really couldn't. I just think, why is this happening? It's a freeze response or a distraction that's actually a freeze response wearing a different outfit. What I've built since then is a practice for coming back into my body and finding safety in my nervous system again.

A Two-Minute Vagus Nerve Practice

Sheila 3:31

And this is rooted in the vagus nerve and the research Stephen Porges has done through polyvagal theory on how vagal tone connects directly to our sense of safety. And one of the fastest ways to activate it is through sound, specifically a long low voo sound. On the exhale. Then you sit and you say something out loud to yourself. Something like, younger me, I've got this. We are going to be fine. A small ritual that brings you back into the present moment, back into the version of you who isn't operating from what didn't feel safe before. Because you've dealt with your vagus nerve. You've signaled safety for yourself. You're not the person who felt out of their depth anymore, or the one without the experience, or the one who didn't feel safe taking up space or being seen or trying something new. You're someone who puts your best foot forward and takes action with excellence without fixating on what anyone thinks of you, because you know exactly why you're here doing this work. And I'll say it clearly: I am not a licensed therapist. If nervous system work is something you want to go deeper on, Stephen Porgis's work on polyvagal theory is a real place to start. And Gabor Mate has written extensively on trauma and the body, if that's a thread that you want to pull on to.

Where Hesitancy Hides Outside Work

Sheila 5:08

Before we close, I want to leave you with this. Where does this hesitancy show up for you? Maybe your business runs like clockwork and you take the actions you need to take without a second thought. And then somewhere else something stalls. Maybe it's a relationship. Maybe it's the level of closeness you actually want with people or with a partner or with your kids. Maybe it's the commitment to your body that you know matters. You've got everything else figured out, and that one thing keeps freezing. There might be an old, deep-seated fear connected to your younger self underneath it. And it's worth a look. So the next time you catch yourself reaching for busy work instead of the thing on your list, I'm right here with you. Let's pause, breathe low and slow, and let's remind ourselves we are not the younger version of ourselves anymore. The beautiful thing about this is once you know it, you can't unknow it. It's there for you now. And my hope for you and for me is that we will make the progress that we're after and we'll feel good while we're making it. You might feel uncomfortable along the way, and that's all right. The work you're here to do is worth it. And getting out of your own way is how it happens. I've watched it happen for so many people I've worked with and for myself. And it still gets me every time.

Closing Thoughts And Working Together

Sheila 6:29

If you like the idea of having someone alongside you while you're bringing your next season of business to life, someone who understands how this all works underneath the surface, head to the show notes for the ways to work with me. Thank you for listening. I hope you have a beautiful rest of your week, and I'll see you on the next episode.