Access The Episode Webpage here.
It’s Interview Day on the Podcast!
Angela Accomando is a chef and mentor renowned for spreading mindfulness and healing. Angela's journey is one of transformation and empowerment, leveraging her culinary expertise to foster a space of wellness and self-discovery.
We talked about:
Hear more of Angela’s story and how she moved from hustle to healing in Episode 89:End the Hustle with Angela Accomando.
Follow Angela:
Connect with Sheila:
PS: Thanks so much for listening. I would love your review! If you enjoy what I share in this episode, rate, Review & Subscribe on Apple Podcasts:
https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/connect-with-sheila-botelho/id1527363160 I would really appreciate it. Thanks!
Access The Episode Webpage here.
It’s Interview Day on the Podcast!
Angela Accomando is a chef and mentor renowned for spreading mindfulness and healing. Angela's journey is one of transformation and empowerment, leveraging her culinary expertise to foster a space of wellness and self-discovery.
We talked about:
Hear more of Angela’s story and how she moved from hustle to healing in Episode 89:End the Hustle with Angela Accomando.
Follow Angela:
Connect with Sheila:
PS: Thanks so much for listening. I would love your review! If you enjoy what I share in this episode, rate, Review & Subscribe on Apple Podcasts:
https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/connect-with-sheila-botelho/id1527363160 I would really appreciate it. Thanks!
I can't change that person, but where is my accountability? What role am I playing in this whole scenario?
Sheila:Hey, welcome to this Friday Live. Hope you're having an incredible week and, regardless of where you find yourself, I hope that you are taking some time to think ahead to how you can give to yourself this weekend, whether it is time, whether it is just the ability to slow down and to ask yourself did I love everything that happened this week and those things that maybe you didn't love so much. What is in your ability to shift so that you have more of the things you love in your life and in your days? This is an invitation that you get to give to yourself every day, and I invite you into it for the weekend, and so for today, I'm really excited to have my friend, angela Acomando, on live as well. She's about to join us and first I'm just gonna introduce her.
Sheila:She is someone that I met in an online business woman's entrepreneurial membership number of years ago, and she's actually been on the podcast, so I'll have to link her episode to the podcast where we were chatting. You can hear more about her story and some of the incredible things she does. She is a chef and a mentor and I'm telling you I just love every time we connect, we go deep on a variety of different things that really are all about living. The essence of how you're meant to show up in this world for you so thrilled for this conversation that we're gonna be having that really stems about. It stems into trusting yourself. Some of the things that we've been talking about here she is with her fabulous hair. I just love it so much.
Angela:It's all her dollars. I was gonna say here I am, big hair from New York, ready to talk. All the big stuff that has been happening in my life.
Sheila:That is difficult yeah a lot of surrender going on over there right, yes, oh yes, painful surrender, but much needed.
Angela:And I was just talking to a friend yesterday about how the lessons at least for me, right, they don't end, they just expand you more.
Sheila:Yes, exactly, that's exactly it.
Angela:Yeah.
Sheila:So, angela, so what I always love, what I think of New York, I think of you. I have a number of friends in New York. There's something about this you run a restaurant, you go to a restaurant and you cater and you do all of these things, and so I think New York and food they go hand in hand. Sure, tell us about your business.
Angela:I prepare thousands of meals every month to non-for-profit organizations in the city, feeding people who struggle with addiction. So, and that was another thing that I really resisted, right, because I was like no, I do this kind of food, like this is what I do, like I can't produce this. And they were like, well, can you just do it for a little while? And I was like sure, and it's been the most rewarding thing and it's growing and I've had the most growth ever in my life, and so it kind of takes the two things that I love, like feeding people and social justice, and put it together. Yeah, and you know, so one of the things you know that I've really been working on is when these outside situations come to not allow it to stop me with the amazing stuff that I'm doing in my business. And that's pretty much what has been happening the last couple of weeks. It's been really deep for me because I keep saying you know, steven Pressfield says it like when you're on the verge of greatness, right, and you're working on your stuff, there is a force that will come against you. And that is what has been happening and I've had to just say that's what it is and how am I going to handle this? Yeah, and you know, one of the things that I've done I actually see my good friend Concha Tina's on here.
Angela:She is somebody that I have called in the last couple of weeks and I think that's so important is, when you're going through hard stuff, you know, I always find myself she is one of my callers right, Because she has a lot of wisdom and I usually, for me, what happens is, you know, I've learned to kind of stay with my breath. Right, a situation arises, I learn to stay with my breath and be able to just stay calm, so I'm not so reactive. But then I always see that there's a part of me that wants to hop in the loop, right, hop in the loop of the old ways of panicking and what am I going to do? But I'm able to catch it with the awareness and say, okay, right now. This is a big emotion for me, it's a big thing. What am I going to do with this? Who am I going to call?
Angela:So I called my friend Concha Tina, that's on here right now, who's an amazing woman. If you want a sound healing that will change your life, she is the person to go to, and she does it virtually. So I'm just want to put that out there, yeah, and I always have to be prepared, right, because it's like it's nice and relaxing. But then after that it's like boom, and I'm like okay, okay, universe, right. But so I call on my people to say, hey, I've got this big thing and it's, it's, it's, it's. It has shaken me and what advice can you offer me? And you know, I'll just, I'll just share a little bit, without getting into too many details. But you know, I have a child, I have four children, and three of them are adults and one of them is going to be 12. And when your children become adults, it is a whole other, different kind of parenting, because if you think that you don't have control over them when they're young, oh, get yourself ready for when they become adults, because you really have no control, right At all.
Sheila:At all. My son, dante, turned 18 today.
Angela:Hmm, happy birthday, dante.
Sheila:Okay. And so, yeah, there is that element of you can't, you can't control and and you know, releasing control once you know, even when they're little like it's something I consciously did when I remember there was a. Something happened initially when I was pregnant with Dante, like when I first found out I was pregnant, we weren't sure if it was viable, and so at that point in time I was like and of course you know we can say these things, but then actually living it out, right, but I was like you know, god, this child's yours and I'm just, I want to be, I just wanted, I'm just here and what you know, whatever is meant to happen, but I felt a deep sense of peace and and so it's like daily, it's like giving our lives to the surrender of squrusting. And so, and I wanted to say because I want you to go on and share some of the things that have been happening, because I but at first I wanted to celebrate you for taking action on that thing that you were feeling resistance against, because I remember when you first had that seed of an idea and you're like, I really feel led to do this and to shift my business, and I didn't, I pop in and see you on stories on Instagram here and there, but I miss a lot because I'm not like you know, I'm just not on it all the time and like in the stories all the time, and so I was like so celebrating that you made that happen and I didn't realize you would shut down, completely shut down the other restaurants. So how amazing and it's.
Sheila:And you, through the process, all these different things you've been working on a variety of different projects like a cookbook, all these different things and what has been life giving for me and, I know, for your people and anyone who's been watching you, is to see you following the divine nudges, moving forward and being honest about the process, of what it takes to go through it and to say, well, actually, maybe this isn't the thing and I'm feeling about it. Thank you, thank you, thank you, because too often, especially on this beautiful little smartphone, we see people who are, you know, just showing up and I mean, come on we know what you're behind the scenes.
Sheila:So thank you for showing the behind the scenes and I'm celebrating you for all of them, thank you. And so I know you've been through a lot and are in a lot right now. So now, please, please, share this, this surrender of children and what you're going through.
Angela:Yeah, so, yeah. So it's one of my, one of my children. I've been going around this mountain and she struggles with mental health issues and doesn't want to get help and addiction and doesn't want to get help for that and is in a lot of trouble right now and it is painful. I just want to say to watch this right. But I've had to really realize and be honest with Am I helping a situation or am I hurting it and does do I need to let go and be the allow this child of mine to be on her journey? And a lot of times I'm going to be honest. The reason why we don't allow this is because we're trying to escape our own discomfort. Let me catch all the balls in the airs, because it's too uncomfortable for me to allow the balls to drop and feel the discomfort and see the other person's pain. And what I've learned through just working with different healers is it's because I have a hard time sitting with my own pain. And I had gone to a retreat at Miravall and worked with the horses. I love the horses over there. It's amazing and one of the leaders in that had said that to me and said, you know, brought me up and said this horse is your pain. We worked through some stuff.
Angela:You know, in my childhood. How did that make you feel? And I've always been this person who's like here's my big smile and let's just be happy. Right, and happiness is great, but so is sadness, and so is grief, and so is anger and everything in between. And you know, it wasn't until my oldest son you probably don't know this either, but you may know my oldest son was diagnosed with cancer last year. Yeah, I think so, and there was no. I'm going to bypass these emotions and be happy. Like I was in bed, you know, distraught, for a whole weekend and I went to a very low place, but that's when I had this realization of oh, oh, oh. And you know, oh, oh, oh, angela, this is why you're either always super happy or angry at something, because I always find something to be angry at, and there are plenty of things to be angry about in the world. Right, because that low point? Because when I was at that low point, it reminded me of growing up and being at the low points when I was suicidal.
Sheila:Wow.
Angela:Yeah, and that's when I had this big realization. That's why you don't like to go to that low point, angela, because you get really low, it gets really dark. But sometimes we have to be there right and sit with that and go hi, hi, darkness, come over here, I'm with you, I'm gonna sit with you. Wow, I really don't like it. It is uncomfortable. And many years ago I used to go to this therapist, who's also I call it kind of like a spiritual therapist, and she said to me oh, the reason why you're always angry is because it energizes you like happiness. And I was so triggered by her saying that and I left like, what is she talking about? No, that's not why I'm angry. And then you got mad, and then I got mad, and then I got mad, right. And it wasn't until this summer, when I was at that low point, that I was like, oh, janet was right. I wasn't ready to hear that then, but anger and happiness both kept me at this place of up here, so I didn't feel down here, activate it.
Sheila:Yeah, it's an activation, because you don't wanna be stagnant, because you are afraid of what will happen if you are, because you had that experience. Yes, wow.
Angela:Yes, wow. So I've been doing IFS work Internal Family Systems which I wish the whole world would do this work, because we would live in a much different world, right? So I've learned to really make friends and I'm still making friends with all these different parts of myself. I named them all Barbie parts, like drill sergeant Barbie, mean Girl Barbie, Beach Barbie that doesn't wanna do anything right, my friend Tiffany named one Get Shit Done Barbie.
Angela:Okay, and I've learned to be able to recognize when these different aspects of myself arise or when they're taking over too much, and have conversations with them like okay, so what's really going on here and what's behind that? Is it fear? Is it so? Yeah, so this week I just last week, I panicked with what was going on. I reached out to my girlfriend Kancha Tina, I reached out to my dear friend Molly, who has so much wisdom, and even my friend Axel had happened to call me, and I said this is what I'm going through. And he said to me you know, she's not a kid anymore, she's an adult and this really isn't your problem. And yeah, but you know what I always attract probably because I'm that straightforward a person, I always attract very straightforward people you know what it's a gift.
Sheila:It is A gift to have, like, just give it to me, don't sugarcoat it, that's right.
Angela:That's right Because you're going to just get to it faster. You know it's like, that's right, like, let me just hear it. And I said, yeah, you know. My friend Connie basically said the same thing to me. You know, like, you have no control over this. You know, like, and so I had to step away.
Angela:And in that stepping away and setting boundaries, I also had to sit with the discomfort of I don't like this. I am going to choose this because I know that's what's best. All of this enabling and running to is not helping, because the situation keeps coming and coming and coming. And I also know that my biggest like aha moments happened when I really hit rock bottom. And here's the other truth that I had to sit with. There are people that I know in my own life that you would have thought hit rock bottom, but it still isn't rock bottom. And there are people that hit rock bottom over and over and over again. Right and it's, they'll still continue to do the things they're doing, right. So I also had to sit with yeah, don't also put this story in your head of, well, she'll hit rock bottom and then she'll learn and everything will be OK, because that may also not happen, right, because we tell ourselves all like it's so interesting how our minds just create these stories Right To trick us.
Sheila:We're trying to protect ourselves. We're trying to say well, you know, making excuses for people or rationalizing things so that it takes the sting off, we all do it.
Angela:Yeah, it's somewhere hard. Yes, yeah.
Sheila:It's a powerful recognition. I see you are so like now. It's like there's not just the happy, happy and the angry, or activated. You're activated in a different way now.
Sheila:I feel like there's like a sense of real mission purpose coming through, a third kind of activation for you right now. That I think I mean your words and what you're sharing right now is really speaking to my soul, because I'm like there's circumstances in my life where I'm like, oh, oh yeah, and I'm going to be remembering this conversation. I'm so glad that we followed our intuition to say, hey, let's go live on Friday. It was very like we were just chatting. We were chatting everyone in our DMs. It's like we haven't talked, like let's just catch up, live. So happy that we are doing this.
Angela:Yeah, me too, because I know I'm not the only one. And when I shared, you know, on my IG, I had so many women messaging me saying, oh my god, this really resonated. I struggle with this too. Right, because the patriarchy has taught us you're responsible for everybody, everybody's actions, everything. You have to catch the balls in the air, you have to do this, and that's not the truth. That's not the truth and you know what.
Sheila:It's very common for women and it is also really the caretaker archetype, because I've known 10 good, very close friends who are very similar. Like they take up that torch as well, and it's almost like an adaptation of protector.
Angela:Yeah, right.
Sheila:I'll figure this out, but it can really start to take over so hard to disengage from and to not feel guilty about. Like guilt is such that is a real tool of the patriarchy right. Like guilt, guilt, guilt.
Angela:Guilt shame. Yeah, and I'm glad you brought it up about men because it's true my husband is actually one of the caretaker archetypes and so through this, him and I have had very raw conversations of Aunt. You're going to have to learn to sit with your discomfort around this, because this child of mine is not his child but really is. I mean, he took care of her. I was divorced from her father at a very young age and he loves her a lot and he means well. But I had to really say we're not helping her.
Angela:And one of my Buddhist teachers, hector, whom I loved to death, he said to me a long time ago are you really helping? And again I was very triggered and I was like he doesn't have kids and he's a man and he's not understanding. But he was right and he was trying to tell me in a very honest way and I just didn't want to hear it. And this isn't just with children or family. I was having a conversation yesterday with a friend and she was talking about it with her business and clients that she serves and really having to set boundaries or speak up, say things, let go of things, it's all of that. It's really speaking our truth, analyzing, seeing where we're self-abandoning.
Sheila:Yes, yes, ooh, I'm seeing celebration fireworks.
Angela:No.
Sheila:I'm like how did that happen? Birthday, my son's birthday. Maybe that's why You're right, and I think it's like it impacts all areas of our life and we're so familiar with it very often in our relationships. But taking it a step further now, I'd love to just talk about how do we adapt to these things in relationships and then also, like, how do you see it kind of connecting in with the business side? How do we create those boundaries, how do we hold firm to them while keeping the relationship intact but not abandoning?
Angela:yourself. Yeah, I mean, I want to share that. I would love everybody in the world to read Terry Cole's book Boundary Boss. Yes, this is awesome.
Angela:That book was life changing for me. I actually listened to it on the way home from Miraval after I worked with the horses, because I was left with all of this stuff, like I have no boundaries. I didn't even know what a boundary was, to be honest with you, right, and I was like 42 years old. That's sad, but I also realized I grew up in a boundaryless home and environment, right, where people are constantly crossing boundaries. Yeah, so I listened to that book. I was like crying on the airplane because not only did I see where people crossed my boundaries, I saw where I crossed other people's boundaries and why they got upset. So I had a lot of aha moments. And then I came home and I was like, okay, now I read the book and now what I need more?
Angela:And then, luckily, she opened up her course, which is extremely, you know, amazing and affordable and life changing, and one of the things that she talks about in the book and in the course is scripts. So it's like what? So that's the thing that I go to. There's a couple of things. Is one really sitting with the discomfort allowing the people around me to know, hey, I may be a little off, I may be a little irritable, because I'm sitting with some really uncomfortable things, because I want to do this because it's my old default and I'm trying to relearn how to do something else that I don't want to do, that I've never done, and then I'm pushing myself to do right so that, and then I go to, like the other day in my business, you know, somebody called me up and what I've been dealing with is people giving me advice on my business, but in a very like masculine you need to do this and this and this and this. That I don't appreciate.
Angela:And so I had to reflect on you know what I need to do and like, okay, when that person calls again, what is my script? Or, if I'm in front of them, what is my script going to be that I'm able to set a boundary and say, hey, thank you so much. But I'm feeling overwhelmed by this, you know. I know that you mean well by it, but I really, I really would like to change the subject. You know I'm still working on the script, to be honest with you, but great stars, yes. So it's like it's like working out scripts and I had to do this with my child where it's like look, I love you. But I am no longer going to support this type of behavior because it's really not helping you and you may not see it now, but I wish you well. This is what I will do. Right, this is what I won't do.
Sheila:Oh, this setting the standard. It's setting the standard like every system, structure, you know, family system, business system should have one. And unfortunately we often will fall short of that because we just assume that everyone's going to have the best intentions and everybody's going to have a similar standard to us. Yeah right, we compare the world, compared to how we see the world, but then we realize, oh, everybody's kind of standard of excellence or standard of showing up or boundaries, it's all yes. So when you at the expectation, it's a beautiful thing.
Angela:Yes, yes, and that's great. That's what I've realized in a lot of things when I go back is the expectation, the lack of communication and the clarity on my part, right of like, what is it right? I had given one of my children a car that I could have sold for like $7 or $8,000. And in my head it was like I'm giving you this car so you can do X, y and Z, right Like at a job, get on your feet, do these things? Blah, blah, blah. Well, I never said that. It stayed here and people can't read my mind. So then I started feeling regretful and resentful for doing that and I could have sold the car and I had to take ownership, because one of the things I'm working on is here's the situation. I can't change that person, but where is my accountability? What role am I playing in this whole scenario? What role is, what role is my part and how do I need to change that role?
Sheila:That's a really powerful example too, because I think we can identify with that. We say, oh, I'm going to do this so that and sometimes we don't even know we have an agenda. Yes, right, and that's like it's really checking in with that. Okay, I'm going to do something. Oh wait, what's my?
Angela:agenda.
Sheila:What am I going to get out of this? And is that fair to?
Sheila:the other person, do they be aware of this? Maybe if I say, is it fair indeed, maybe I asked them is it okay for me to expect these things, like can we agree on an outcome here and an expectation, and then that is going to inform on the decision. But I think so often we just kind of want what we want and we think, like you say, people can read our minds and they're just going to move forward and everything's going to work out. Yeah, and we move quickly and I know I move really really quickly with this, and so for me it is about stepping back, taking an assessment of really what's happening and really taking into account well, I can't assume what the other person is thinking. So maybe, like you say, getting into communication, we all can level up in that area. I'm sure.
Sheila:Oh my gosh, angela, this is so great. I love like there's so many helpful pieces here. I almost feel like people should go back and listen from the beginning and like take some notes on a few things, like the book, the retreat center that you went to, and also just kind of some of these different kind of strategies that can help us have more peaceful weeks, as we're dealing with things that are out of our control.
Angela:Yes, can I also say something else? A lot of times we are doing like our actions are motivated and rooted in fear. I am so afraid if I don't do this and that'll happen. I'm afraid this than that, and I do it even in my business. I did it recently, at the end of last year, right. Somebody called me out of nowhere and said hey, I know we talked about working together. When you start doing a thousand meals a day for me, I'm like yeah, sure, right, because that's the kind of catering I'm in now, like bulk food for people in need.
Angela:When could you be out? I know, it just freaked me out when I got the first phone call, trust me, it freaked me out when I got the first phone call, right, and I was like, yeah, sure. And it was like, when can you start? And instead of stepping back and saying I don't know, I'm actually in the hospital right now with my son getting cancer treatments. Can I call you back and think about this? I was like I don't know, when do you need it? Well, can you start tomorrow? Yeah, sure, because it was a fear.
Angela:When I look back, it was a fear of, if I say no, am I going to lose this opportunity, right, wow, wow. So it was like for a couple of months we did it and then, when I was able to, like settle down and ground myself and say, okay, this was all rooted in fear. I'm allowing another business to dictate how my business is run and it's not how I want my business to run. I need to step back from this. It was funny because my husband, who was also my business partner, he was afraid to step back from it and I was like, aunt, you're moving in fear now. Just trust me on this, right. So it's really putting that fear part in check, because there's always going to be opportunities and there's so many opportunities, you know.
Sheila:There are and I went through something similar over the past year some different shifts and things and realizing that the very thing it's so funny we need to coach ourselves sometimes the very thing I coach women on of simplifying things that they're actually wanting in their life.
Sheila:I was falling into that. I was complicating things and adding on too many things and then my time was getting crowded out, and so what ends up happening is you don't do anything as well as you would hope, or you do miss opportunities, or you know there's so many different things and yeah. So just to be able to have that reminder that you get to make decisions from a grounded place and have script is really a simple way of doing that. So everybody who's watching get on your scripts, get right in those scripts, because they're only going to help you as you move forward, and then it allows you to also, when you're in your free time with yourself, you're not thinking about all these eight million things that you need to do. No, no, no, I'll just use that script Done. How relaxing is that We've had so much Angela.
Angela:Yes, and I just want to plug Terry Cole again, because she has all kinds of little programs, big programs and she always has scripts in her programs and even in the book, you know, and then you could also figure out what script works for you. But I never thought of a script right, and it's like yeah, this is all just a play, so get your, get your scripts out.
Sheila:Get your scripts out, get on that stage and start acting out the life you love.
Angela:Yes.
Sheila:Yes, well, angela, I'm so happy that we got to connect here and. I'm too more excited because we're going to be seeing each other in Miami next week.
Angela:Oh you're going to be there. Oh my God, this just made my day.
Sheila:I am so excited we get to finally meet in person and hang I know, and isn't it hard to believe that the number of connections that you have with people around the world you've never actually seen in person. And then you meet them and you're like, oh, wow, you're really tall, or oh, I'm really tall. This has happened to me, you know, I actually well, you know Asha Frost, yes, so she lives north of the city, like you know, about an hour hour and a half for me, and we'd been trying to get together, trying to get together. Finally, another friend, alexandra, and I, alexandra Hughes, we went to one of her award ceremonies in the fall and we got to meet her and she has said, asha has said I'm taller than people expect. I'm like, wow, you really are. And even more beautiful in person. And her, you know what, though? You know that energy, that spirit that you get like from her just when she speaks, or even when she writes something in person. You feel it, yeah, I could imagine it is incredible.
Sheila:Yeah, I could imagine.
Angela:I'm so excited you're going to be there. I am so excited I actually just joined Alexandra's full moon, monthly full moon circle. That she's doing so fabulous feeling. Oh, that's so good I'm so excited about that. Yeah.
Sheila:Well, my friend, we will catch up on the real real when we're together, yes, and meantime, enjoy just knowing that you're making the right decisions for yourself. Thank you for that. Yes, it's all working out the way it must and you get to feel good as it's happening.
Angela:Yes, by trusting yourself. Yes, that's when you know you're not self-abandoning right, yeah.
Sheila:Yeah, oh, sending you a huge hug, thank you, and let me give you a one in person. Yes, thanks for watching everybody and listening. I'm going to send this on to the podcast soon as well. I really would love, for whoever has been watching or listening, pop something in the comments DM, follow and also like. Subscribe to the Connect with Sheila Botelho podcast. If you want to listen to various other episodes, I'm going to add a link to Angela's podcast that we did a while ago, sharing more about her story. That is so incredibly inspiring and I look forward to continuing the conversation.